Photo by Evil Erin

Are you a martyr or do you have a martyr-like personality? I’ve been doing much introspective thinking lately. I announced that I was leaving Wausau Whitewater as the Operations Manager to focus on the Design Resumes side of me. Though I had the help of board members, volunteers, and others, I still was carrying a large load for the organization.

My president kept asking if I was asking for volunteers. I did ask, but not as much as I should have. I tended to think that it should be obvious to the people that I needed help and if they didn’t offer, they were busy too.

I told the president when we were discussing my resignation, that this is my martyr personality. When I was much younger, I was President of an Explorer Post (Boy Scout Co-ed program) and for a couple years we took an annual trip north to Minocqua. Part of the trip was a visit to Circle M Corral. Not just once but every time, when it was time to go horseback riding in the morning, I said I would stay back and prepare breakfast.

The funny part about that is that from the time I was a little girl, I loved horses and dreamed of going riding. But something would happen and it wasn’t fear of riding, because I have gone a time or two since, but feeling that martyr thing going on. Couldn’t I have gone riding and we all made breakfast later together? Sure, but, no, Julie had to play martyr.

I’m a pitch and help kind of person and so if you need my help, you will get it. But I have people all around me that don’t work that way, including my own family members. I know that people need to be asked, often want to be asked, but I struggle to do that. I don’t want to impose or make work for them.

I’m really trying to change that. With my departure from Wausau Whitewater, I’ll ask for help for projects I work on and asking for advice on ways to avoid being the martyr. I’ll also be finding ways to push that martyr-attitude away and get out there and live. It’s not going to be easy to conquer this attitude I have been stuck on, but I will give it a try.

How about you? Are you a martyr, do you fail to ask for help and let yourself get so burdened that you aren’t having fun any more? Does it get in the way of your functioning and ability to move forward in your career or personal life?

Perhaps you could benefit from some targeted coaching. Jane C. Woods, Personal Development Specialist for Women gives some valuable advice in her post, Have you got an Inner Doormat?