Hurts Stay with You

98174687_9a5daf5c11 Hurts Stay with You

Photo by Sister 72

Yesterday I shared the story of my own job loss. The lengthy post describes the lead-up and let down of the job loss and unemployment. I put the dates in the post, 1987.

Hurts stay when you don’t expect the hurt

What I never said was that though we worked for the same company since 1981, the whole transfer and job loss happened in a 9 month time period.

We moved down in mid-November 1986 and returned home to live with my in-laws in early August 1987. In the middle, our youngest son, Dan, was born.

Losing a job hurts

I remember those 9 months and the period following it like it was yesterday. People lose jobs who have had them for 5, 10, 15, 20, or even 30 years.

I had the job for 9 months. The transfer planning itself was almost longer in the making. I can’t remember when our owner/developer first mentioned the Naperville project, but:

  • I can remember going to dinner with the owner and my husband at Michael’s Supper Club to discuss the project. I was still pregnant with Tim, our first son then. He was born in March 1986.
  • I can remember taking Tim on his first road trip in June 1986 to Naperville via Milwaukee to meet with the owner and then see the city and the site.
  • I can remember going over the site plans, blueprints, and specification book for the new project.
  • I can remember interviewing our replacement and making moving plans.
  • I can remember the hopes, the prayers, the plans that went into moving 5 hours away from Wausau and our support system.

The hurts stay with you if you only lose one job

And even more, I can still remember the hurts of the only job loss I have ever had. A job that lasted 9 months.

Am I unusual? I don’t think so. I think many people remember the hurts of job loss and struggle with the hurt of it when they are in the process of trying to find a new position. They may find family members dealing with the issues in different ways than they would like.

My job loss shaped my future.

I went a different path than many people by moving toward self-employment and facing all of the feast and famine issues that a choice to work for yourself creates. Losing that job created the opportunity to be the resource for others who have lost theirs or for those people who are confused by job search. When I lost that job, I revitalized Design Resumes.

Do I still remember the loss?

Of course! Is there still hurt there? Sure! But I moved on. I had to.

Job seekers need to accept that it hurts. It does. Denying that you are hurt doesn’t help you deal with it. Let yourself say it hurts. But from there, you have to look forward. I know it is hard.Looking back, the loss shaped me but it didn’t ruin me or destroy me.

How do you get past the hurt?

You have to acknowledge the pain and focus on forward. One step at a time.

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2 Comments

  1. Michael Lunsford on September 1, 2010 at 10:33 am

    Getting past the hurt is tough. I’ve had two such losses. You know, the completely unexpected kind where you knew you were doing a great job and yet it ended unexpectedly.

    I liken it to fixing up an old car, then having to let it go. You see it around town and remember your part in making it what it is, but you can never again get behind its wheel to drive.

    So, it’s on to the next fixer-upper. Maybe this time I’ll install LoJack 😉



    • Julie Walraven on September 1, 2010 at 10:46 am

      Thank you, Michael! You will do fine. But being proactive in your job search is critical and I know you are doing that too.

      You made me laugh! LoJack… huh?

      On a very positive note, yesterday I got e-mails from two clients who are both re-employed now. One said this among other things: “After 21 months of searching, God provided. I received a letter several weeks ago stating that my unemployment would run out August 28th. I was offered the job August 30th. God is so good.”